I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
