I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize