look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
