Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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