is your mom at the bar?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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