Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
