I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How naked do you want me to be?
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