I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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