I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize