I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
