I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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