I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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