Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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