I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize