I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
