1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Duck Duck Cougar?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
