Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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