last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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