don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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