Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
