i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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