Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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