So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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