Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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