WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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