My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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