Cold hands, warm shart.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
