if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
