Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
