It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
