Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
