He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
