I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
