he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
