I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
