Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
