I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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