Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
