I'm jealous of your bromance
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She told me I should be a condom model.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
