I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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