So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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