she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
