now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize