i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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