Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
