I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
