So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
