She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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