How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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