At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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