Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i out mim tonsoeep
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