Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize