I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
