On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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