wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
