How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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