my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
