I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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