That's when you crack a 10am beer
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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