bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
