my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
