I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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