In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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