i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
