hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
