he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
