yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
