I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize