we have officially lost it.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
