she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize