i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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