I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
