I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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