When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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