so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
