I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
