Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
