What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
