I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
