we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
