please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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