The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
