There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
