just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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