I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
