He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize