This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
