I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
