You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
