I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's blow job season.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
