gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
