I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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