Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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