Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
