I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize