what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize