what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
