I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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