you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
