She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize