you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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