I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
