I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
