There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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