I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
